1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
