Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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