HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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