Ambien. No doubt about it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
