just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
