I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
