People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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