i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A+ Viking dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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