Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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