Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
