yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
