we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
