Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
operation have a gay friend backfired
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
