I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
