Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
