You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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