are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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