Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
