If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
