addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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