Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
