id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
