we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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