Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
