I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
