Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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