Need sex. Gaining weight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
