there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
