I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
