This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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