Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
