you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
