wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
