I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
