Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
