if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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