I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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