We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
