oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
