When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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