So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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