pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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