as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
