This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
