Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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