i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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