Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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