my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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