he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
