I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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